Scarlet of the Suicides
ACT I
The Madhouse
Scarlet: "Let me ask you a question. When you look around you, what do you see?"
Steve: "Objects, inanimate and animate."
Scarlet: “Would you say that you see things that appear dead and things that are alive?"
Steve: "Yeah, if you could say that a desk is dead, or that an electrical lamp is dead since it doesn't speak or move"
Scarlet: "What do you see happening to those things that seem alive?"
Steve: "I guess, they go around living their life, doing things until they die."
Scarlet: "Right, and who kills them?"
Steve: "Some die by circumstance or what some people call fate or old age and some get eaten or murdered by another thing that is alive."
Scarlet: "So, would you say that the world kills them?"
Steve: "Yeah, if by world we mean another object, animate or inanimate." Scarlet: "But did those objects want to die?"
Steve: "Most objects that are alive probably don’t want to die. Some of them might have wanted to die.”
Scarlet: "So some are killed by something else of this world, and all their lives most alive things want to live until they die what we would call a natural death, correct?"
Steve: "Right."
Scarlet: "So in the case of human beings, what kills them is their own organism which has been set to die, or succumbs to death, depending on whether you take a theistic or atheistic view of God. (Pauses for a moment to gather her thoughts). Or another organism which kills the human being, i.e. in the form of another human being, animal, virus, or whatever else could kill us. "
Steve: “Yes”.
Scarlet: "What do you think would happen if I were to not let any other object kill me, animate or inanimate, and also not allow myself to succumb to God's wishes for me to survive until he kills me?"
Steve: "In that case, well then you would live, wouldn't you.....but isn't that impossible though? You will eventually die.”
Scarlet: “But what would happen if instead of accepting my fate.....what if I were to take my own life, before God takes it? I mean, why are people so concerned about my staying alive? There are 7 billion people on the planet, and everyone is always competing over every thing. You've seen how they are on the outside, it's why you’re here in the first place, right?
Steve: “Yes, I mentioned to you yesterday, that I disliked the constant competition. I felt I couldn’t escape, everywhere I went, it didn't matter if I was working in fast food, slow food, retail, writing, or corporation, everybody was constantly at each other's throats. I think, it’s what caused my breakdown. I couldn’t even speak to anyone about it, because they would just laugh at me and give each other those knowing nods, as if to say “See I told you that he was weak. Survival of the Fittest my friends. He’s ‘obviously’ not meant to make it.”
Scarlet: “I know what you mean. Many of the successful are proud and haughty and come off cold and callous.”
Scarlet: “So then, you get what I'm saying right? Why do people want to prevent us from killing ourselves? Suicidal people do this competitive world a favor.
Steve: "Because they care about us."
Scarlet: "I want to tell you a secret."
Steve: "Please do.”
Scarlet leans in closer and whispers into Steve’s ear.
Scarlet: "The universe is a riddle. A riddle posed by God."
Scarlet fixes herself and gets up as if she’s going to give a presentation.
Scarlet: “The universe is a riddle. It is a riddle posed by a God. All of the universe is built in such a way as to make LIFE and all of its variations seem like such a miracle that it would be considered idiotic to go against this notion. LIFE is made to seem like what you should strive for, but I am telling you, that this very notion is a deception. An illusion!
Scarlet begins looking off into space as if she’s looking down the long corridors of time.
Scarlet: “Your parents meeting, mating and then your procreation. Before that, all the ancestors, the creatures’ histories and the history of the planet, then the history of the stars. All the way to the expansion after the big bang. How improbable for you to even exist! You must be a special snowflake then, huh? It’s all been building up to this special moment which you are part of.”
Scarlet looks at Steve and smiles
Scarlet: “You're familiar with that philosophy, right?
Steve: "Yes, it was interesting to see Dr. Brooklyn come to this realization in the Spymen by Falan Hoore."
Scarlet: "Yes, they place this LIFE philosophy in everything, and what a grand miracle it all is, to be alive and everything. Well, I’m telling you that these people are guilty of a vast deception! These people are magicians conjuring an illusion!"
Steve: "Huh?"
Scarlet: "Well, they serve a purpose too. They are the guardians to the gates of godhood. They keep us from attaining our godhood."
Steve: "How?
Scarlet: "By placing these philosophies in everything, all media, and promulgating it, they make you a lover of LIFE, so that the very concept of going against LIFE is considered insane."
Steve: "And how would I go against LIFE? Didn't you just tell me that I had no choice and just have to go along with it, until I die, or I’m killed?"
Scarlet: "That's what I'm getting to. Everyone in society is attempting to prevent you from doing yourself in! They want you to allow yourself to die or be killed by other objects. Or, as I like to call it “death by the riddle creator”.
Steve: "So, you say."
Scarlet: "Yes, I say, and I figured out the reason!"
Scarlet: "The riddle creator does not want us to take our lives, because then he would have to admit us into the Godhead."
Steve: "And why would the riddle creator do that for us?
Scarlet: "The riddle creator is forced into granting us godhood because we figured out his riddle."
Steve: “Explain further”
Scarlet: "I will. God, I hate that I have to lead you by the hand, you would think that by now you could just logically deduce the rest."
Steve: "Guess, I'm not destined for godhood, am I?"
Scarlet: "You can thank me later, but honestly if you just think about it, you will realize why the riddle creator is forced to allow you into godhood. But since you're not clever enough to figure it out, I will go ahead and spell it out for you, but I am going to ask you some further questions to test you."
Steve: "I figured that you would."
Scarlet: "What goes hand in hand with creation?"
Steve: "Sex?"
Scarlet: "Ehhh, wrong, but of course that's where your mind is. Come on, what is the opposite of creation?"
Steve: "Fuck, I know this.....this was on the SAT right? Can I use a lifeline? Just kidding, destruction. If you had asked me what the opposite of creation was first, then I would have answered with destruction."
Scarlet: "Exactly, none of us created ourselves, right? We're all here without a choice just getting through this right? No one I know, told their parents prior to their birth, hey, you guys should get it on, so that I can come in and play Wintendo."
Steve: "When you're right, you're right."
Scarlet: "Okay so now that we've established and agreed that none of us created ourselves.....what is the only godlike thing that is left for us to do?"
Steve: "Destruction"
Scarlet: "Exactly.....and since Destruction is the opposite of Creation, then by virtue of it being one of God's powers in opposition, my partaking in my own destruction, is how I force God to grant me Godhood."
Steve: "You know, they would have really loved you in the philosophy department over at Berkley."
Scarlet: "I didn't create myself, but I destroyed myself. Destruction is always followed by creation. I am presented with the opportunity to nullify the chains that bind me here, by partaking in my own destruction!
Steve: "So, the riddle creator wants us to figure it, I mean, he wants US to figure this out?" Scarlet: "Yes, that's the whole purpose of the universe, it’s meant to fool you, so that only the wisest are allowed to enter into the Godhead. God doesn’t want any dumb nitwit to enter into the Godhead.” Steve: "Right, cause then you'd have a bunch of dim-witted Gods, and that would surely cause some sort of chaos in the God realm?"
Scarlet: "Are you being sarcastic!?"
Steve: “I’m being serious, you’re confusing me. All of this is way too much for me today. You’re lucky I’m even engaging you in this conversation.”
Scarlet: "The riddle creator views those who take their lives as the wise ones. We gain his favor by taking our lives and we are initiated into the Godhead. He has to, he’s forced, he has no choice."
Steve: "Jesus, no wonder you're in here."
Scarlet: "Yes, him too. He is another guardian of the gates to godhood."
Steve: "Cause he willingly goes to his death, and allows God to take him out?………thereby creating the example that we must suffer and allow God to do us in, even if the situation is an unjust one?"
Scarlet: "Great, glad to see you're awake."
Steve: "I hate to admit it, but you've really thought this through, huh Socrates?"
Scarlet: "And him as well."
Crosses her arms at him and closes her eyes nodding her head.
Steve: "No, cause he allows people to poison him, therefore he allows other objects to kill him.”
Scarlet: "No one forced him to drink the poison.”
Steve: "Huh? But he let people poison him!"
Scarlet: "Right, but no one forced him to drink the poison."
Steve: "Uh, yes they did." Scarlet: "Uh, no they didn't. If you read Plato, he mentions that Socrates' friends were ready to bail him out to another city where he could have lived until he died a natural death without being harassed or bothered."
Steve: "I guess I must have missed that dialogue."
Scarlet: "Well, it's there, trust me. I wouldn't mention it if it weren't. It's in one of his lesser-known works. Oooooh, did I tell you that I am writing a book called the Guardians and Inheritors of Godhood?"
Steve: "No, but you just did."
Scarlet: "That's why I’m always reading in here. Trying to gather all the material I need. I mean, I know that it's the TRUTH, but in order to convince others, you have to prove that it matches with previous philosophies and TRUTHS and what nots."
Steve: "Right, cause then it adds credence to your views if it's like endorsed by Plato and Jesus. Hey, maybe you could read some of Buddha's stuff, it would be cool you know to have Buddah kind of just with one of his arms outstretched on the front cover while another of his arms is holding a knife behind his back or something. Is he a guardian to godhood or an inheritor to godhood?"
Scarlet: "The Buddha was interesting, he kind of just lets people know that the physical world is filled with suffering and so you have to escape from it by reaching enlightenment which has to do with the acceptance of your physical mortality while realizing that everything here is illusion anyway, so death is most likely just another illusion. And that there is probably something beyond this, that is real, but I don't know if he ever mentions this."
Steve: "Are you sure that's what he taught."
Scarlet: "That's what I took from it. Anyways, my list isn't finished yet, I don't know if he's going to be a guardian or an inheritor. I still have lots to research before I release it."
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Later on that week……
Scarlet: "Come on Steve! Think about it! Nerval did himself in, after his descent into what they called madness. The main protagonist of Goethe's character does himself in. What was the name of that book? The sorrows of young, something or other, I don't remember. Okay, but let's just focus on Nerval right now, he mentioned that he was having divine visions that were spilling into reality, right? You know about him, I know you do, cause you're a crazy poet right? That's why you're in here! Yeah, they told me about you too asshole! Anyways, he does himself in after these revelations, and guess who else does himself in? Jason Foster Wallets, and everybody knew he was a genius, cause they gave him that Mclaughlin scholarship thing that they give out to geniuses.....you know the lucky ones cause they think they're going to produce something for humanity or whatever. Anyways, I am compiling a list of geniuses who did themselves in, and then I am going to write a book called "The Inheritors of Godhood", and then just so I prove my point I am going to do myself in!”
Pauses here and looks towards Steve gauging his reaction
Scarlet continues: “You think it's pretentious don't you.....but it would be the ultimate signing off on my beliefs! Oh hey, you know who else is on the list? Socrates! Socrates made the list! I confirmed it after we had the discussion the other day. He could have escaped to another place, his friends were ready to bail him out, but noble Socrates, you know what he does, he willfully drank the hemlock, now if that isn't a big clue, I don't know what is. Don't you get it? That's why everything is vain, and all striving just makes you feel further and further away from your real goal, which is too off yourself! Hahaha, it's the ultimate cosmic joke, God is like, I'm going to send them all these clues, in the bible, telling them that they were sent there as a punishment, and then I'll send them Socrates, and Plato who talk about a cave everyone is in, and that those who actually get outside of the cave are the enlightened ones....what do you think the cave is!? This world you fool! That's the realization that they all eventually reached. Even the Samurai taught that life is a preparation for death, that everything in life is there to make you accept death, some accept it earlier than others, and the real wise ones, end themselves. It's like a big fuck you or laugh, depending on how you see it, to the creator of this place we all find ourselves in."
Steve: "You really think people are going to buy this shit?"
Scarlet: "Why not, people buy shit all the time!.....They do it to fill a hole, you fool. And besides, this isn’t shit. This is the TRUTH!"
Steve: "They should keep you in here and control all your communication."
Scarlet: "I'm smarter than them. I know how to act around them so that they let me get out of here."
Steve: "Oh yeah, then how come you haven't fooled them into letting you out then?" Scarlet: "Are you kidding me? You think I like to work? I'm lazy! They give me 3 meals in here and all the time I need to prepare this magnum opus of a book I’m working on, followed by a final act! One needs intense mental preparation for something like this. I must research enough and make sure that this is the truth. That's why I'm in here, you big dummy! Not everyone is a victim of the system and circumstances, like you! Scarlet: “You know your poetry's not half bad, you just suffer from your own hang-ups, but whatever, you should do like me and end it, but compose a work before you go.....Oooooh, you could write like a poetry book based off my philosophy! It could be like a companion piece to my Magnum Opus.....just think about it, two lovers who become geniuses in a madhouse, come to the realization that the riddle of the universe is to be solved by taking their lives!”
Scarlet looks over at Steve excitedly and Steve sits there frozen trying not to look uncomfortable.
Scarlet continues: “You know, that God sent Nerval a bird in his dream, to tell him that his life wasn't his to take.....that's how his descent into madness begins. It's like God, was seeing how smart Nerval was, like, let's see if he allows some dream bird to keep him from solving the riddle. God is a real comedian isn't he!? It just makes me laugh all day, as if a great genius like Nerval would let some stupid talking dream bird prevent him from taking his life."
Steve: "I am hearing you, and I appreciate your philosophy, but I'm not in the mood right now to be discussing someone else's ideas. I feel like a lead weight is being smashed into my mind as you're discussing your ideas. I am sorry I feel this way, and in my younger days, I might have fostered the arguments to talk you out of this conclusion that you've reached, but I really don't give a shit anymore. I also have a philosophy, and it involves letting the chips fall where they may. I think that I am just supposed to view this world and walk in it as a ghost, never affecting anything around me and not allowing anything to affect me, just observing, watching and letting all the play go on around me, like a dead spectator in a merry go round. Let everybody kill themselves and be done with it then, if that is how they feel, what do I care?"
Scarlet: "Jeeesus, you're the definition of lame. Not even lame, because the lame still walk. You are alive, yet dead, it's like you're too much of a coward to take your life, and you are content with just walking through this life and viewing the merry go round, and never even getting on a horse yourself. You won't let yourself be fooled by the merry go round, and yet you still don't have the balls to throw yourself off! At least I believe in something."
Steve: "Yeah whatever, even if what you say is true, maybe in my patience something will present itself on this merry go round that will make me believe in the play again."
Scarlet: "So you're just waiting for what, for God to send you an angel, a miracle or what? Here I am, telling you the secret to this joke and you think he's going to send you a miracle? You know what? I hope he does send you some stupid angel or miracle, so that in your stupidity you could misinterpret it, and then put all your life into its meaning, and then when you die and meet God at the end, thinking that you had read the miracle correctly, he could laugh at you and say, you should have listened to Scarlet!"
Steve: "Yeah, because Scarlet of the madhouse, has it all figured out. That's why she's in the madhouse! Hahahaha, you want a joke, I'll give you a joke! You're the joke, your life is the joke! So fuck you, why don't you go and kill yourself then, so that God could admit you into his Godhead, I bet he would too, because the God you believe in sounds just like the pretentious asshole you are!
Scarlet: "And that is why, I will be Godlike, and you will be a fucking shadow, still lumbering around, writing your stupid little verses, looking for approval from the other fucking shadows who haven't figured it out.” Scarlet: "Hey everyone, I don't care about anything but don't have the balls to end it, but here read my lyrics, please approve of me."
Scarlet laughs meanly.
Scarlet: "You're a fucking shadow."
Both Steve and Scarlet look visibly disturbed and stop talking for a short period.
Scarlet: "If you're lucky maybe God Scarlet will allow you to have life again as her pet dog so I can sink my godlike toenails into your flabby little tummy."
Steve: "Whatever, at least I'm not pretentious enough to think I solved the riddle of the universe! You know that God warns us about taking our lives and dangles images of Hell in front of us right? So what happens, if let's say little Scarlet who figured out the supposed riddle, gets to the pearly gates of the godhead, and God says ‘Hellfire for you! You pretentious little wench!’"
Scarlet: "That's why you're sheep. You think I haven't studied all the variations of hell? I know all about them. I come from a long line of scholarly people! Christ even went willingly to be killed by a mob of raving maniacs. So, where is his hell? If what you say is true, then why would God teach us that? You don't think Jesus could've escaped and hid away? He was Jesus! Instead, what does he do? He accepts his suicide. That is a willful suicide you shadow! If you allow people to kill you, you are still killing yourself! It's another piece in the grand riddle that I figured out."
Steve: “You’ve mentioned Jesus before. You already covered him.” Scarlet: “You know what brought him to my mind!? Sheep, the word sheep! I had to use Jesus to lure you into accepting my philosophy! That is why I used it, you fucking, baaa baaa sheep."
Steve: "You're so disrespectful, no wonder everyone avoids you here."
Scarlet: "I avoid them."
Steve: "Oh, okay God Scarlet, of the Godhead."
Scarlet: "Anyways, let me continue sermonizing, the truth that your God Scarlet has decided to graciously bestow upon your little sheep mind. Settle down kid, oh wait that's a goat, and goat you are not, (snickers in laughter). Jesus, (raising her right eye pridefully on her madhouse companion) was admitted into the Godhead after this suicide, was he not!? That is how God became 3. So, there you have it! You wanna be a poet right!? There is a truth worthy of a tome of poetry! Have at it, you ungrateful wretch, go ahead and write your opus then, you can thank me by kneeling in front of me and bathing my feet in tears as consecration for bestowing my wisdom on you! The wisdom of your soon to be goddess, Scarlet."
Steve: "You're crazy enough to actually appeal to some of those crazies out there. I mean if Flicky can have people twerking their butts on videos for likes, I'm sure people killing themselves won't be too hard, especially if you bring Jesus into it."
Scarlet: "Now you're thinking. Although I have never heard the term twerking and Jesus in the same sentence before, you glorious poet you! See, my wisdom is already having its effects on you.
Steve: "Whatever, this is just going to be another chapter in my crazy life, thank you for the conversation (sarcastically). You're fucking dangerous."
Scarlet: "Am I not to be considered fearful, if I am about to be merged into the awesome power of the Godhead?"
Steve: "Oh, God, yes, just leave me alone." (Visible shakes, feigning fear, then leaves to curl up in his bed)
(Scarlet is left, clipping her toenails, hair in curls)
Later that night
Steve: "I found a fatal flaw in your argument DemiGod! Hahaha, now you're just a demigod, cause you have a flaw in your argument. An Achilles heel!”
Steve laughs a little, pleased with himself.
Scarlet: "Okay, shadow steve, or should I call you steeeevie (enunciates it in a high nasally voice mockingly)"
Steve: "If God wants us to do ourselves in, using our minds as you have, to come to this conclusion. Why wouldn't Jesus, just take his own life. Like, before the Romans or the Pharisees got to him or whatever."
(Scarlet mockingly, starts shaking in her chair acting like she's a robot and that there's been a malfunction in her circuitry)
Scarlet: "Steeevie, has figured me out (robot voice), this contradiction has ruined my circuitreeeee." (Pretends to keel over, into an inanimate object, then comes back alive, in a funny reverse manner, that makes Steve laugh against his annoyance)
Scarlet: "Actually, that would have been too easy. That's like God presenting you the solution right at the question. He wants you to earn the Godhead, Steeeevie, earn it. You think he wants some nitwit who needed someone to take him by the hand and point everything out to him to join the divine godhead? That's why, Jesus willingly let's others take his life, so that the question becomes "Did I take my own life by allowing others to kill me? Or did others kill me, and it wasn't a suicide?" This is where God divides, those destined for the Godhead, and those who are like you, the shadows. You said it yourself earlier, you just go around letting life happen to you, not really participating in it, but giving it the authority to kill you in the end. That doesn't really make sense either, does it? So, this is how God divides the shades from the future gods.”
Scarlet notices that Steve looks confused
Scarlet: “I think I'll sum it up for you in a way that Hollywood could place as a nice little tagline for a movie. YOU EITHER HAPPEN TO LIFE, OR YOU LET LIFE HAPPEN TO YOU." (Steve, is visibly shaken, a bit exasperated, confused and a little bit in awe)
Steve: "I think that your future church will have many people who join. Do you think that Tim Bones will be a greater god than you, since he convinced others to die with him?”
Scarlet: "That's why I'm disseminating my Final Testament after my death. If I convince others, I then become a liberating God and am responsible for other's godliness, which in turn creates servant gods for me to do my bidding.”
Steve: “Wow.”
Scarlet: “You better drink some of this kool-aid early so that I allow you to exist as my servant god dog. Don't say I didn't warn you, I might still allow you to have inside access on the ground floor before the stock goes public."
Steve: "You're fucking nuts, but I like the way you think. I think you're messing with me for kicks and giggles. That's why I indulge you in these talks, which I also enjoy better than listening to old Larry drooling and making startled noises in the corner every time I try and get him to join in on a movie. I hope that you are messing with me because there might be hope for you as an entertainer out there in the world of shade and illusion."
Scarlet: "And wouldn't that just be amazing!? I get to be inside an illusion within an illusion, 3 times removed from the Godhead!"
Steve: "You could be like one of those Russian dolls, trapped under the illusion of the illusion that is entertainment, keeping all the shades from realizing their true purpose in life, which is, of course, to OFF themselves.
Scarlet: "I knew you'd get it. That's why I chose you to be my first apostle."
Steve: "Do I have to name it the Gospel of Steve, or can I name it the Gospel of Steeeevie (nasally high voice)."
Scarlet: “I think I will allow you to decide that, but honestly I just care that you get the message right. Disseminate it only among the worthy, for I Scarlet, soon to be God Scarlet, can not be bothered by such trivialities (accentuates tri). Do as you please god dog Steeeevie." Steve: "I think I'm going to take myself for a walk around the asylum now, is that okay with you God Master?"
Scarlet: "I will allow it." (flicks her hand dismissively)
ACT II
CometBucks (Dali Café)
Some time has passed since Steve and Scarlet have been in the asylum.
Steve walks out of an office, he is closing the door behind him, but the office is official looking and law degrees could be seen on the wall in the background. He is holding a black and red leather-bound book, that states, the final testament of Scarlet.
Footage of Steve driving home
Cuts of a lawyer saying the words:
"She wanted you to have this. She mentioned that you would know what to do with it."
Cuts of his own voice:
"Are you sure? I only knew her a little while, feels like lifetimes though."
Lawyer: “Yes."
Steve gets home with the book gripped tightly in his hand. He falls asleep with the testament next to his pillow.
Cuts to Stevie at a coffee shop with a friend of his
Steve: "I just don't know WHY she chose me, I mean she always joked about this, but I thought she was just fucking with me. I never thought she would actually do it."
Rob: "So you thought she was just fucking with you cause you believe in Jesus and all that stuff, or just to poke fun at you?"
Steve: "Yeah, I mean look you didn't know her, she was the type to do that shit."
Rob: "Doesn't sound too nice to me."
Steve: "Anyways, that's why I never challenged her enough. I just laughed it off, like yeah sure go ahead. Plus, she would laugh with me all the time about this shit. So I thought it was a joke.”
Rob: "You sure know how to pick them."
Steve: "Don't give me that shit. She HAPPENED to me, I didn't happen to her. I was a fucking shade in her crazy world. I was in shade mode, I didn't choose anything." Rob: "You're a fucking fatalist man, that's your problem. Always complaining about shit happening to you. That's why she HAPPENED to you, don't you see? Look, I know it sounds selfish, but just listen to me.”
Rob pauses and looks at Steve to make sure he’s going to let him continue
Rob: “You know my philosophy, right?”
Steve: "Yeah, I know your philosophy cause you always go into it like you fucking figured out the world. You would have really loved Scarlet, you two are just like each other. Which is probably why we’re friends. I think I need people with strong beliefs around me constantly since I have none.”
Rob: "Anyways, cut the shit, I'm not going to OFF myself like Scarlet, you know why, cause my philosophy will not allow it. I placed a FAIL SAFE on my philosophy, which I'm sorry to tell you might have helped Scarlet a little bit.”
Steve: "Okay (angrily looking at Rob). Go on."
Rob: "So, this chick comes into your life right? And you're a fucking shade, with your victim philosophy. She was a sign for you, you stupid dope! She even said it to you. YOU EITHER HAPPEN TO LIFE, OR LIFE HAPPENS TO YOU. And guess what, she happened to you! There you were in that madhouse waiting for a sign, and then she HAPPENS, her death HAPPENS. It was all there to shake you out of your SHADE existence. CASE CLOSED.” Steve: "You're right that's some selfish shit right there. Everything that happens to me is meant to serve me. Other people don't have their own reasons for existing? No, it's all just so I can get a sign from God?” Rob: "It's not about whether people have their own personal reasons for existing. You could never figure out the purpose of other people’s lives in the grand scheme of things. Most people don’t ever even get to figure out their own purpose. What my philosophy highlights is the following question: What is their reason RELATIVE to your reason for existing? Don't you see? Shit happens, relatively to everyone, and we're supposed to read that shit from our personal perspective, relatively to how it affects us, and thereby become wiser from it.” Steve: "So you're saying, in the grand scheme of the universe, God created Scarlet so that I could meet her, and somehow be made wiser by her sacrifice?"
Rob: "Sort of, but you're still looking at it from your own little narrow chink of a perspective.
Scarlet HAPPENED to many people besides you, for good or ill. She wasn't just there for you, SEE you're the selfish one, not me. What I'm saying is, you're supposed to read that shit, because of your proximity to her in her last moments, as a personal revelation to you."
Steve: "You know, I got out of the nuthouse, and I found more nuts out here."
Rob: "We're all nutty, some of us just know how to hide our nuttiness a little bit better than others. Shit, some people make a fucking living off their nuttiness."
Steve: "You're a condescending prick, but you have good qualities, somewhere in there mixed in with all your hidden nuttiness." Rob: "Speaking of nuttiness, this latte is gonna be particularly fucking nutty."
Latte arrives, they sip on their drinks, while noticing that the server has brightly colored laces on, and a Daliesque mustache. They laugh out loud about it.
Rob: "Hey, you guys didn't ejaculate on our lattes after perfectly crafting them in a Daliesque fashion right?"
The server looks at him with a look of distaste on his face
Server: "You're fucking weird."
Steve: "He's just messing around, don't pay him any mind. Most people don't." Server leaves with a shrug
Rob: "Come on man, you know that shit was funny. You know, cause Dali masturbated on the people he painted. You didn't know that? Just imagine his goofy ass in the back, drooling over his perfect artisan latte, and getting off on his ‘artistry’." Steve: (Laughs) "You're fucking sick, you need help."
Rob: "Everybody's fucking nuts man I'm telling you."
They crack up, and people around them move around the cafe, we see a time lapse speed up of all the activity going on around them from a side shot through the store window. They conversate over Scarlet's last testament, and we see Steve's expressions and Rob's expressions and gestures go from calm to wild, to excited, back to calm, while they open the book and pass it back and forth, and conversate about it.
We cut back to the end of the conversation
Rob: "So you're going to do it?"
Steve: "I don't see any other option here. What would you do?"
Rob: "I think that I would burn it and have the last laugh at Scarlet on ‘Ye ol day of judgment’! She'll be in her grave, waiting to be admitted into the godhead, but then she'll see me rolling up on a PALE HORSE snatching the book from your hands, and burning it in a pile of rubbish behind this Cometbucks, with the Dali server, laughing as flames leap up from the book. You’re in the background pulling at your hair, but only your shadow, cause you're a fucking shade."
(The above funny dream scene is being shown while he describes it.)
Steve: "I don't know why I even ask you about shit like this. You're just gonna turn it into an opportunity to exhibit your biting wit and humor. Which is by the way, the reason that you're single. You think you're funny, but you're not, and everyone knows it." Rob: "Yeah whatever.”
Steve: "Alright, it’s settled then. I’m going to do it.”
Rob: "Let me ask you something and don't get mad or anything like you always do. Do you feel like you're going to be an agent in life now as an apostle of Scarlet, instead of just letting shit happen to you? Or are you just like "yeah I'll go through with it, cause I'm at the mercy of Life and all these forces, and Scarlet is just another force I have to listen to, because you know, morality states that I should always follow up on someone's last will and testament." (Says the ending sentence in a mocking manner)
Steve: "And that's why people hate you.”
Cut to later that night. Steve is furiously typing away at a computer, with Scarlet's last will and testament in front of him. Speed lapse of him showing him transcribing it online, and then we show him posting it on Deddit.
Steve: "Your will has been done Scarlet. May you acquire many slave gods in your afterlife"
Enter Jimmy the Comedian
Jimmy: ".....So, I was contemplating the other night over the failure and fuckery that is my life, and as I was doing this, I received a message on Mugbook as an ad or something or other that popped up, and it says ‘Let us take a look at your resume and land you your dream job!’.....Anyways, I was depressed enough to be lured by it and decided to click on it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could lay the blame on the look of my resume, as to why I'm 34 and a driver for PICKUP.....As I'm doing this, I imagine two 24 year olds never been to college, trust fund babies, starting this company up to help other people get jobs, that they never had to work for in their lives. They're all sitting up in their mansion, sipping on martinis, talking to each other like ‘Hey man, I got a greeeeat idea. Wouldn't it be funny, if we started a company where we get people to send us their resumes and then we totally fuck them up and send them back trying to convince them that this new updated resume is going to land them a job, the other guy's eyes light up and he says ‘Holy shit, that would be awesome.’”
Jimmy pauses and looks at the crowd that is looking bored but continues anyway…..
“So I imagined sending them my resume and when I get it back, right at the top in bold letters it says JIMMY MOTHERFUCKING RODRIGUEZ, and underneath that ‘Gets shit done’ and below that ‘The best’. And all sorts of funny fuckery that although kind of douchey, would be terribly funny if you're like a Bill Serrell fan or something. So, then I get it back, and I start sending it off as a joke, just cause, you know I don't give a shit at this point in my life anyway, might as well get a few last jokes in, before the tolling of the final bell, on my dramady. And lo an behold, I get called back!.....I get hired, and become wildly successful. So, as I think about it more, I'm like, naw fuck that. What if I succeed, and then the rest of my life, I owe my success to these two funny fucking douchebags? I think that would be a worst fate than being up here, 34 years old, talking to you douchebags. By the way don't forget to tip your PICKUP driver, we work reeeeally hard (Makes an idiotic looking face when he says this, that makes the crowd visibly uneasy.)
Jimmy is oblivious to the audience’s reaction and continues…..
“Hey so just a heads up, if you're still sort of young looking like me, and you decide to drive for PICKUP, get ready to get all sorts of people who automatically think you failed at life. Yes ladies and gentlemen, there's the ‘Is this your real job’ line ‘No bitch, this is a dream you're having, and because you weren't imaginative enough in high school art class you couldn't get the guy who plays THOR to drive you.’ Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, then there's ‘Do you do this full time?’…..’Like what, I'm out here nonstop wearing a driver's hat all day, I don't take shits, or eat or stop and go home or anything....oh, you mean like 30 to 40 hours, I get it now.....’ So, I started telling these condescending douche bags ‘Yes, I do this full time, and to make them feel worst, either for me or the economy, I added ‘This is the greatest job, I ever had, when I was boy living in 3rd world, I dreamt of driving many great Americans, like you to get drinks, and see the occasional tits and dicks. I remember telling my Mama, I wanna go to America one day, so I can reenact the movie PickUpDriver, with Bobert Teniro.....Please Mama, this is my dream."
At this point in the stand up, the baby boomers are exiting the building, muttering things like "fucking snowflake." and "you're lucky to be here." also "maybe if you worked hard enough you would actually BE something."
Jimmy MOTHERFUCKING RODRIGUEZ goes on
“Let me get it out of the way now people, this show is going to be all about me complaining about life, so if you didn't know that by now, please leave.”
The place starts to empty more and more, as the set gets progressively worst and worst. Cut to the end of the standup where Jimmy Rodriguez is angrily yelling at a lady in the front row, eyes bulging, and he's pointing at her deliriously. A heavy-set man who appears to be her husband, jumps on stage, and chokes Jimmy out. Jimmy Rodriguez is escorted away in a stretcher to chants of the 5 people left behind at the show screaming "USA! USA! USA!, USA!, USA!"
Another comedian with a MAGA hat comes on stage and we see the 5 people chanting “USA” turn around and immediately start laughing with him and looking at him good naturedly. People from outside begin to flood the venue some more. A drone camera flies over the scene and it ends with a picture of Jimmy giving everyone the middle finger on an online article, being carried away in a stretcher.
Underneath the article, it shows 55 views, so that even with this scandal, he has failed once again.
We segue way to another article where it states "Girls last testament sets off a string of teenage suicides."
Beneath this article we see 4,000,000 views.
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Cut to a reporter on Channel 5 news
"What people are calling the Scarlet testament has shaken the United States, a woman aged 34, whom we are hearing now was named Scarlet, has apparently set off a string of unusual suicides, after her boyfriend posted her last testament up on DEDDIT. I am here LIVE, speaking with one of the mother's of one of the young girl's who committed suicide. Doria, if you would please, tell us what your daughter's last words were." Doria: "She said that she wanted to be Jesus Christ, and that Scarlet was Jesus Christ now and that she wanted to be Jesus Christ too. Then she called me a shade, and told me that if I killed myself after her, that she would let me be her ‘dog god mom’ in the afterlife."
Doria with tears in her eyes turns away and cries.
"There you have it people, a deranged testament from a deranged woman, has inspired terror into the very hearts of this quiet Nebraska town. Back to you Timothy."
Camera cuts from the live footage and transforms into a television set inside Steve's apartment. Where he is holding a spoon of cereal to his mouth, mouth agape.
ACT III
Rob’s Revelation
On the phone later:
Steve: "Yeah, but I didn't think that it would have this sort of impact Rob."
Steve: "Right, I was just doing what's right in this situation."
Steve: "Yeah, the police want me to go talk to them about my motives for posting it."
Steve: "Probably around 8."
Steve: "Yeah."
Hangs up phone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut to a detective's office, overhead shot, cigarette slowly burning itself out on an ashtray, with smoky tendrils reaching upwards. A paunchy, half balding man sits back awkwardly with his two feet on his desk, hands clasped in his paunch. Desk is littered with papers.
Detective: "So you meet this girl in the mental hospital, right?" (The detective speaks quickly in a sort of jerkish and excited manner, completely in contrast with his laid-back demeanor. He appears to be trying a new examination technique).
Detective: "She then proceeds to befriend you, am I getting this right?"
Steve: "Yeah."
Detective: "Then since you're such a charmer, she hands you her last will and testament."
(Raises one eyebrow at Steve)
Steve: "Yeah"
Detective: "Then, under her instructions, you go ahead and post it on……what did you say that website was?"
Steve: "DEDDIT"
Detective: "Right, DEDDIT, okay and is that it then? That's all that there is to the story? Nothing else you want to add?"
Steve: "No, not really, except that I posted it in accordance with her wishes, and had no idea that people would take it seriously. I mean no one took Scarlet seriously anymore, especially when it came to these topics on account of both of us being considered ‘cracked up’ or ‘in the nuthouse’”.
Detective: "Relax buddy, (Detective takes his feet off the desk and brings himself closer to Steve), I'm not trying to blame you for this. This is just procedure. We have to get all the details for this case. Plus we’re trying to cover your ass. There’s a lot of pissed off mothers and they’re looking for someone to blame. We know you couldn't have been all over the country whispering into people's ears to OFF themselves, like some deranged Chucky Hanson."
The Detective looks at Steve with a long understanding stare.
Detective: "Anyways, Steve, I wanna thank you for coming in today and explaining this to us.” (Gets up and comes around to motion for Steve to let him out of the office).
Steve: "Okay, so then we'll be in touch." (Detective looks suspiciously at Steve, as Steve leaves the office.)
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Rob: "So that’s it? He just lets you leave?" Steve: "Yeah, I guess he just wanted to confirm that all of the i's and t's were dotted and crossed or whatever, like an official statement, so that no one blames me for the suicides."
Rob: "So, you're off the hook?" Steve: "I guess, he hasn't called me since. And it's been what? Like two weeks?"
Rob: "I think you got off too easy."
Steve: "Hey fuck you man, you were the one that agreed with me and you let me post it online, you asshole." Rob: "Let you? What am I your master or something? I let you? Listen to yourself Steve, you victim you. You were going to post the damn thing anyways. You just wanted the push that you always need. Especially whenever you're going to do something that you can't fathom the consequences of.
Plus, I was bored and it was just a joke for me, I didn’t think that people would take it seriously."
Steve: "Yeah, I guess you're right." (Looking defeated and dejected sinks into his hands as he slumps downward and pulls his hair back in an exasperated manner)
(Rob mimics Steve): "Yeah, I guess you're right.”
Rob slaps Steve on the arm
Rob: "See, that's exactly what I mean. You will forever be a fatalist."
Steve: "Alright Dostoyevsky, so what now? Here I am a fatalist asking the RELATIVE SIGN READER BORED PHILOSOPHER, what next?”
Rob: "Let me ask you something.” Steve: "Yeah sure." Rob: "When you get a wife right, like let's say that eventually you get one or whatever.” Steve: "Yeah." Rob: "Are you going to be asking me, if you should perform doggystyle instead of missionary on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or if you should you save that position for Mondays and Wednesdays?
Steve: "You're an asshole."
Rob: "Cause you know I'm going to tell you to reserve missionary for Sundays and doggystyle for those wild Saturday nights.”
Lamb Chops Interlude
Hip-Hop music takes us into the car of a 20 year old girl driving her car to a burger joint
Girl: "Yeah, let me get a number 5 medium, with a Mr. Nibb."
Fast Food Attendant: “Sure, will that complete your order?"
Girl: “Yes, thank you."
Girl grabs her food at the window and leaves. We follow her home, which is about a minute away from the burger joint, as she picks at her fries in her driver’s seat, still bumping hip-hop music.
We see her go online when she gets home. We see her go on MugBook, and utter things under her breath like "You fucking bitch." and "Oh my God, I can't believe this little motherfucker." she laughs into her Mr. Nibb and starts typing back. "I can't believe he thinks I'd actually let him fuck me." Laughs some more and sips on her Mr. Nibb. "Oh my god, who are you?" We see her get annoyed as she goes online to read some articles. She eventually ends up on DEDDIT, and we see the fated Scarlet’s last will and testament with 20,000,000 views under it.
Girl: "What the fuck is this bitch's problem? She OFFS herself and now she's like Mother Theresa of the suicides, or something?"
We cut away from her and then we see the clock go from 11:30 PM to 2:30 AM. She has tears in her eyes, and she looks disturbed.
Cut to the next day at the communal college lunch area
Girl: "Fuck Melanie, don't you think I know, that this was a crazy bitch? All I'm saying is that some of that shit really fucked me up last night and started to make sense."
Melanie: "At least, you admit that she was crazy."
Girl: "Of course are you kidding me? What, you think I'm going to take my life like some of these attention starved snowflakes that keep on taking theirs?"
Melanie: "God, I hope not, cause then like I'll be known as the girl who had lunch with the suicide."
Girl: "You would care about stupid shit like what people think of you…..you fucking shade."
Melanie: "What the fuck is a shade?"
Girl: "You know like, people who just let shit HAPPEN to them. Like when you went to the prom and let Tommy HAPPEN inside you…..you little slut.”
Both laugh at the recollection of some 4-year-old event
Melanie: "Okay so are you going to explain what the fuck is a shade, or what?"
Girl: "Jesus, I thought I did. People who let shit happen to them and just go with the flow, sheep you know, like baa."
Melanie: "Yeah I know the sound that sheep make, bitch. Just do me a favor, stay away from that DEDDIT shit, you're acting strange."
Girl: "Yeah whatever, lamb chops." (Bites into her burger looking at Melanie with crazy eyes)
They both laugh maniacally.
Act 4
Jimmy Meets Jacob & Does Stand Up Again
Jacob Thurgood is leaving his office building, it's about 3:00 pm. He is looking at his watch about to cross the street to the other side where his PICKUP driver waits for him.
He runs across and a car zooms by him narrowly missing his arm. Jacob jumps into the back seat at the last moment before the car sideswipes him.
In the driver seat we see Jimmy Rodriguez PICKUP DRIVER and failed comedian wearing a jester's hat and neck brace, but we see this from Jacob Thurgood's perspective, only the back of his head, as he drives.
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Hey Jacobi, right?
Jacob Thurgood: "Yeah, actually it's Jacob, but my girlfriend created my account for me and since she likes to mess with me, cause she thinks she’s super smart and hot and funny, she thinks she can get away with cute shit, like changing my name to Jacobi. So now I am sitting in your car as Jacobi."
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Woooow, what's the matter, didn't have your mid-day martini yet?"
Jimmy shakes his head and we hear the jester's hat bells ring and he turns around and says Jimmy Rodriguez: "I'm just fucking with you man, I like to try out jokes with different PICKUP riders for a bit I work on for this little club when I'm not ferrying around you fine folk." (Jimmy's voice here begins to distort, we hear him draw out his words, with a drugged like effect)
Jacob Thurgood: "It's cool man, I don't give a shit." (His own voice sounds to him like an elf)
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Yeah, I didn't think you would, that's why I said it. I don't just make random jokes with everyone, I would probably lose this job, and since this is my bread and butter.....trails off into inane chatter with the jester's bells ringing over his distorted drugged like voice.....
We see Jacobi, start to sweat profusely as the ringing of the jester's bells get louder until the audience sees that Jacob is looking really disturbed, shaking and foaming at the mouth……
We cut to an earlier scene that begins to flash into Jacob's mind as he's having this breakdown in the back of the PICKUP ride. A strobe light effect transitions us to a meeting that he had earlier, that day with his boss.
The room of the meeting is from a fisheye lens view, to give the viewer the impression that this is being perceived from Jacob's skewed perspective. The jester's bells takes us into the audible ringing of Jacob's coworkers cellphone.
Jacob's boss seems to be passionately speaking to everyone at the meeting. Jacob's boss: "......It doesn't matter that the customer’s don't know that a year later the rates are gonna go up.....what matters is that they trust us to deliver for them the first year.....Listen, I know some of you think this might be dishonest, but I assure you, that it is not. This has been standard practice in this business for centuries. Italian renaissance geniuses came up with this method of doing business. So what? You're going to tell me you know better than an Italian Renaissance genius? Come on guys, look I love you all, but we all know that none of us are on that level, okay!”
(Smiles good naturedly and laughs)
Everyone in the room is visibly affected by Jacob's boss in some way, some are looking at him ardently admiring him. Very few of them are visibly disturbed, but the majority are nodding their heads at him in adoration. We see Jacob now from an overhead view, and he has the same disturbed face we left him with when this attack overtook him in the back of the PICKUP driver's car.
We go back to a fisheye view lens of the meeting, but this time Jacob's boss has his face painted in red and black, and has two horns coming out of his head and a spiked tail coming out of the back of his suit.
"So, come on people, let's get with the program, and stop worrying so damn much about the rates going up. Trust me, after you see these Christmas bonuses, you won't care about how these people feel next year."
(At this point Jacob's boss comes around to Jacob and puts his arm on his shoulder).
Jacob’s Boss: "Am I right Jacob? Come on man!"
(Jacob's boss takes his hand off Jacob's shoulder and we see a slime residue left behind on Jacob's shoulder)
We cut to a normal view (out of the fisheye lens) as everyone is awaiting Jacob's reply.
Jacob Thurgood: "Yes sir, those Christmas bonuses are sure going to look swell this year."
Jacob says this looking like it is hurting him to say it. Everyone at the meeting laughs and nods.
We cut to a closeup of Jacob's boss in red and black paint with horns.
Jacob’s Boss: "I'd knew you'd agree Jacob, I knew you'd agree." (Deep voice like a demon)
Jacob's boss laughs maniacally.
We cut back to Jacob in his PICKUP ride. A little bit of foam is coming out of his mouth as he's shaking. We begin to hear the PICKUP driver come back into the sound.
Jimmy Rodriguez: ",........some people just aren't built to take jokes. It's like they lack some sort of natural constitution or something. That's why I always read the situation, that's my philosophy now bro, I remember when I was younger and I would just go into jokes and it was like I never read the situation or the scene or whatever, and so naturally I got on a lot of people's nerves. So now what I do is, I read the client. Like take for instance, with you right, you follow me? I saw you running across the street and jumping in the back of the car right? And I said to myself, only a man of humor would do some shit like that. That's how I knew I could run my comedy bit on you. I don't know what it is, some people just don't have the constitution you know? I can hear it in their voice, all low sounding, like dead or hostile or bored or angry, and honestly man, as soon as I hear that tone, I'm like you know what, fuck you too buddy, I'm just gonna put my headphones in and just drive you to your little arrogant destination. You know what I'm saying Jacobi?" Jimmy looks back and sees that Jacob has a bit of sweat on his brow, looks disturbed and is finishing a little bit of the shaking he was doing earlier. Jimmy Rodriguez: "Hey man, are you okay?"
Jacob comes alert, but still feeling a bit drowsy, answers in a dead low sounding tone
Jacob Thurgood: "Yeah man, I'm fine."
“I'm fine” sounded hostile Jimmy mutters to himself.
Jimmy no longer has his jester hat on, looks disapprovingly back at Jacob, and says "Okay, cool man, I’m just making sure."
Jimmy proceeds to slip his earbuds in, looking offended.
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Cut to Jimmy Rodriguez doing standup again, in a neck brace
Jimmy Rodriguez: ".....So the guy is in the back of my car shaking like Manny Dorrance in THE LIGHTNING, and I'm all like, yeah man, so now I read the signs when I practice my bit on my clients.....You know, you just don't know with people sometimes.....like the nut jobs, you can't really ever tell can you?"
YOU SUCK! is heard from someone in the crowd, and a couple of high school kids are shaking what looks to be an effigy of a makeshift Jimmy Rodriguez doll being hung.
Jimmy Rodriguez: "....Not as much as your girlfriend! Eyo!"
High school kids: “BOO, get off the stage!”
(Jimmy paying no mind continues)
Jimmy Rodriguez: "So how about these suicides? (Says it in a Berry Meinfeld voice) Talk about crazies right? You know what I think it is guys, lack of good parenting. Is it just me or do parents just not give a shit anymore?"
Hight school kids: “YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!”
Jimmy Rodriguez: "I mean I remember growing up and thinking, you know, I might not have my father home most of the time, but at least I know that when he comes home, I could look forward to a nice session with mr. belt strap. Just so I know that he really cares for me.
Which is what these kids parents here, should do with them. Good ol Mr. Belt Strap oughtta teach them some manners!"
(Jimmy looks at the crowd menacingly.)
The crowd stops, and looks visibly disturbed
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Oh, is this not the place? Where else can I talk to a group of strangers about my messed-up childhood? Hey you know what? How about for the next show everyone just brings a belt to the bar! That way, you can all kick my ass, the way my father used to! (Yells maniacally into the crowd)”
Crowd of high school kids: “FUCK YOU!” Jimmy Rodriguez: "No you know what, fuck you!" (Jimmy jumps into the crowd and lands a punch on one of the kids who built the effigy)
Cut to footage of Jimmy being taken away in handcuffs, bleeding from the lips. We see
Jacob in the crowd as Jimmy is being escorted out of the establishment, the Jester's hat is now seen through Jacob's perspective, except this time Jimmy Rodriguez has a crown of thorns all around the jester's hat.
Jimmy goes away screaming at the crowd, then turns back at Jacob and says Jimmy Rodriguez: "I suffered for your sins!"
The camera follows Jimmy into the back of the police car with the sirens giving off a strange angelic glow. We see Jacob looking at Jimmy holding a whiskey glass in his hand, completely just dead looking.
All the while Dead by the Pixies has been playing throughout the fight and afterwards.
Scarlet of the Suicides (Apostle Interlude)
2 Weeks Later
Cut to burger joint girl at the college in a little circle with a sign behind it that says Freedom of Speech circle. She is dressed in what looks to be ancient Grecian Athenian garb, whilst holding a torch that she has colored red in her left hand, and holding a red book in her right hand.
Girl: "I too, was a doubter sisters. I too was. I was right there with you. Walking along, chasing the illusion. (Makes funny wiggling movements with her hands) Sure yeah, go to college, get a job, get married, get boring, and guess what? Get cheated out of the GodHead! I was right there with you, ask Melanie!" (She points to Melanie who is standing with her hands crossed about 50 feet away from the Freedom of Speech circle with a look of disgust and incredulity on her face)
Melanie: "Ugggh, shut up bitch!"
Girl: "Oh yeah, call me bitch! Use the patriarchal verbiage that has kept us from the GodHead for so long sisters! Deride me, hate me, point at me, spit at me. I will suffer for the truth! So that you know that this is the truth!" (Says it dramatically in an exaggerated gesture holding her red torch to the sky).
The Detective is seen in the crowd looking completely different, dressed in purple and black type fare which was completely different from his outfit earlier. He is writing notes as he is listening to the girl go on about Scarlet's testament.
Girl: "When you're done getting into debt, and then bending over backwards for the man, you can finally get married, and actually physically bend over backwards for your man! Come on sisters! You know that this is not the fate that we noble women deserve. There's gotta be something we missed right!? Scarlet has the answer! I was a doubter too, until I read this testament!"
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1 Week Later
There is a bigger crowd around the girl now.
Lexter (Interlude)
Jimmy Rodriguez: "All I'm saying is, that I think that the only way that I could be a serial killer is if, I was like that Lexter serial killer guy, yaknow? That's the kind of serial killer I would be, yaknow? Like the type that kills other bad guys, however, I do have to be honest with myself, I don't think it would just be to satiate my bloodlust, but moreso for the whole justice part of it. Like to deter bigger evils from happening in the world. Listen, I know I'm fucked up, but at least I'm a good kind of fucked up, right? Good fucked up, that's a good phrase, I think I could live with that on my tombstone. Here lies a man who was fucked up, but in a good way. Now, if that tombstone doesn't attract the attention of the cemetery frequenter I don't think anything will. Oh hey honey, have you been to the cemetery off of 21st and Lennox? No, not the one by the Methodist Church, lord knows we've been to that one a little more than we like, started to memorize all of the locals and everything....I'm talking about the one that has a 5 star rating and the comments are all so positive. We simply have to go.”
Breaks Character
Jimmy Rodriguez: “Okay, I can see this one isn't going over too well with the crowd, kind of a dead crowd, might have to check a few pulses. Hey is this the afterlife? Can someone point me to the nearest cemetery?"
Crowd in unison: “Get off the stage you nutjob!”
Jimmy Rodriguez: "And, is that my ex-girlfriend I hear in the crowd, I was wondering when your punishment would begin."
Random girl heckler: “Hahaha very funny asswipe!”
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Now that is quite the term of endearment honey, but please take me out to lunch first before we start with the foreplay."
Random person in crowd: “You suck!”
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Not as much as you do sweetheart, I can tell you that much! Eeeeyo!"
Someone tosses a glass at Jimmy Rodriguez on stage. Jimmy flinches and continues to bomb.
Traffic Explosion
The traffic up ahead began to clear up a bit. As it did, the passenger could see what was causing the gridlock. Someone abandoned their red car in the middle of the highway and left the emergency lights flashing, causing a whole lane to get backed up and causing the 8-minute traffic delay. As car after car passes, they slow down to take in the scene. A young woman in a silver car rolls down her window and leans out of the window to get a closer view. Then the shockwave hits. The lady in the silver car feels the air get sucked in, and her car gets blown back. From the perspective of people two lanes over, the car looks as if it is thrown back. The impact of the bomb takes out at least ten cars surrounding it.
ACT 5
Bar
Bar Guy 1: "So you're telling me that Scarlet isn’t original?"
Bar Guy 2: "Yes, I am telling you that she is a plagiarizer."
Bar Guy 1: "Okay enlighten me. What did she plagiarize?”
Bar Guy 2: "You really need to watch more film."
Bar Guy 1: "Okay douchebag, you call movies “film” now?"
Bar Guy 2: "That's the correct term. Movies, is like the slang term they gave them, anyways, let me explain what I mean.”
Finishes his drink and motions to the bartender for another drink then continues
Bar Guy 2: “Her whole slave gods idea is copied. Anyone who has some background in film knows she's just copying the modus operandi of the Constellation killer."
Bar Guy 1: "Oh yeah, I saw that film, it was alright, a bit dragged out if you ask me, and no resolution. I hate it when movies don't resolve anything. They just leave you hanging, expecting you to figure it out for yourself, like we're paid detectives or something. Uh no, I think I paid 10 dollars for you to resolve that shit for me, Columbo."
Bar Guy 2: "Anyways, be quiet, I knew you wouldn't understand a good film when you saw it. The Constellation killer's whole modus operandi had something to do with Ancient Norse belief remember? They believed that the people you killed in this life became your slaves in the afterlife." Bar Guy 1: "Okay so what you’re saying is that Scarlet is just copying the Constellation killer, except instead of killing people herself, she's getting them to kill themselves?" Bar Guy 2: "Exactly. See, the bitch wasn't so smart was she?"
Bar Guy 1: "Why you gotta call her a bitch man, have a little respect for the dead." Bar Guy 2: "I think she's a bitch for creating this book and pretending to be some enlightened thinker, when she's basically just the Basic Bitch Beta version of the Constellation killer."
Bar Guy 1: "Wow, basic bitch beta?”
Bar Guy 2: "I have never been appreciated for my gift of gab.”
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Reporter: “We're live here at the scene of the terror incident that has taken the lives of 5 people and injured 10 more. I’m hearing from the bomb squad at the scene that a red car was strapped with an explosive and it detonated and killed a couple of random civilians who just happened to be driving by.”
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Bar Guy 3: "Fucking terrorists man, I know it was them. Always trying to fuck with us, but they never have the balls to go and fight the armed forces! It's always poor working slobs that get the brunt of it. I know it's them man, fucking cowards. I'm so glad Gump banned the towel heads from coming here."
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Bar Guy 4: "So no news from any terrorist networks yet huh? Any minute now watch, I bet you Al-Quesadilla will claim responsibility for it or whatever." Bar Guy 5: "Dude, who the fuck is Al-Quesadilla?"
Bar Guy 4: "I don't know some Mexicans that are mad that Gump is building the wall or something. They got ties with the towel heads, and I'm not talking about the ones at my wife's yoga class. I'm talking about the camel jockeys, you know Fallawho Hackbars, or whatever."
Bar Guy 6: "Dude, you need to stop watching the news, go out and get some sun or something."
Bar Guy 4: "What, are you with them now? You trying to take my freedoms?"
Bar Guy 6: "Bro, you're a trip."
Bar Guy 4: "Yeah whatever, these colors don't bleed bro!"
Bar Guy 5: Shaking his head “Oh my God. It’s these colors don’t run.”
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Reporter: “Okay, so we're getting news now that the chemicals in the explosive were domestic and since no terrorist network has claimed responsibility, we will have to just assume at the moment that this was a domestic act of terrorism.”
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Bar Guy 7: "Hey man, turn up the television, you have to see this." Bar Guy 8: "Dude, I don't care about the stupid suicides, that's all anyone is ever talking about." Bar Guy 7: "This wasn't no suicide."
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Reporter: “They've found something that appears to be a notebook. Apparently, the notebook was hanging from a makeshift sort of hangman's noose underneath a bridge a few blocks up. I am being told that officer Gutierrez recovered the book, after a teenager alerted the officer to what appeared to be something odd hanging from underneath the bridge.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bar Guy 4: "Oh great, the suicides have gotten out of hand. Now they're blowing themselves up to take more people at once?"
Bar Guy 5: "We don't even know if this has anything to do with the Scarlet notebook yet.”
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Detective 2: "So after forensics dusted for fingerprints, and applied all of their science to this thing, they couldn't find one clue that could help us out?"
Detective 3: "Not a clue." Detective 2: "The perp didn't even write in it; he cut and paste from old magazines so that no one could match his writing." Detective 3: "Wow, this guy sure has done his homework." (Sarcastically) Detective 2: "Yeah or watched too many films." Detective 3: "Do you think there’s a connection with the Scarlet notebook?" Detective 2: "The perp does mention her. He states that Scarlet got the manifesto wrong, and it really pissed him off, and that no one was calling the “basic bitch beta” out on it."
Detective 3: "What does he mean." Detective 2: "He mentions the Constellation killer and how Scarlet was just copying Ancient Norse belief about the slave god’s thing.”
Detective 3: "So, this guy was so pissed off about Scarlet ripping off the Constellation killer, that he just decides to blow up random civilians in rush hour?" Detective 2: "Pretty much, that's what the whole notebook is about. All ranting and raving about how stupid these bitches are, and how nobody has realized it, and how stupid society is, and how this is the only way he could get our attention."
Detective 3: "Wow, I need a raise." Detective 2: "Yeah, me too."
ACT 6
Steve: "Thanks for meeting up with me man, you're the only person I could talk to about this." Rob: "You don't have to thank me, this is the most interesting part of my life right now.” Steve: “I wouldn't have called you if I didn't need to get this off my chest. I'm not some weak little pussy who needs to be a part of some sewing circle so I can give meaning to my life." Rob: "Just spill it man, stop building it up." Steve: "I feel guilty man." Rob: (Looks at his fingernails) Mmm hmmm
Steve: "Seriously man, I didn't think it was ever going to go this far. All I did was carry out Scarlet's last wish, but I can't help but feel like I'm responsible for all this now." Rob: "So you've finally realized that there is no such thing as being a passive shade in life huh? That somehow, some other active member of life is going to pick up on your shade, and use you, for their own purposes." Steve: "Alright, relax Buddha. If you knew all this was going to happen, why didn't you just tell me?" Rob: "Ah, but tis a nobler thing for the student to experience firsthand the repercussions of being a shade."
Steve: "No, I don't think so, you're not getting off that easy. I sat here with you in this very spot.... (gets interrupted by Rob still pretending to be Buddha) Rob: "But how can you be sure that this is the same spot? Has not the universe moved and the earth revolved as all things do?" Steve: "Alright chill, I'm being serious now."
Rob: "I am your enlightened master, and you will pay me homage. I want your soul!" (makes a slurping gesture at Steve)
Steve: "Fuck man, there's no seriousness with you.”
Rob: "Fine, I'll be real. I didn't know that by you complying by this dead girl's wishes, that all this shit would unfold. And you must have been even more surprised since you were just paying your respects to the dead." Steve: "Look, I'm not trying to blame you, I'm just saying, I don't understand why we didn't take more time to think this through."
Rob: "I kind of already knew you were going to comply with her wishes. That's just how you are. All proper about respecting people. Also, I don’t understand why you're so serious about life. You're a paradox, you take everybody else’s life seriously, but you don't believe you have any agency in life. Why don't you feel the same way about yourself? That's why everyone uses you."
Steve: "What was that bit you were saying, that thing you said earlier before your Buddha act, about how there's no way to escape life...." Rob: "Oh you mean the bit about you being a shade, and how there's no way of escaping life, and if you try to, someone else will bring you into theirs, and it'll be 10 times worse than if you were the one initiating all the actions, cause now you're living through someone else’s life, like some vicarious little mouse.”
Steve: "So you're saying that it's my fault for not taking initiative in my life and just following whatever other whirlwind people drag me into?” Rob: “You know there's a reason why they don't let people deemed mad communicate with the general public right?”
Steve: "So you’re convinced it's my fault?" Rob: “Why do you think Scarlet gave you that notebook to upload? What, she couldn't upload it herself? I know you guys had access to the internet, cause when I would visit you, you'd be looking up your social media accounts."
Steve: "She wanted me to write a poetry book, to be the companion piece, but she knew I wasn't inspired to write, so I guess she thought that by letting me upload it, that I might take the time to write the book, and then release the testament." Rob: "Wrong. She gave it for you to upload, because in her heart of hearts she was a shade, just like you. Letting life happen to her. That's why she needed to OFF herself! She felt like a hypocrite! But not before in her pride, she let everybody know that she had figured out the riddle to the universe, and in figuring it out, she absolved herself of all the choices she didn’t make.”
Steve looks dumbfounded. Rob notices but continues….
Rob: “She needed you to do it for her because she was too cowardly to do it herself.”
Rob pauses for the information to sink in.
Rob: “Can't you see that this is her final way of laughing at you and herself? It's her confession to you, letting you know that she too was a shade in life, and by making you comply with her wishes, she has managed to pull you into a life that is filled with more deaths and suicides than a whole corpus of stories written by Shakespeare, Poe, Lovecraft, and Dostoyevsky. Scarlet has managed to pull you out of your shade existence into actual life."
Steve: "What the actual fuck are you talking about?"
Rob: "Okay, let me summarize it in more concise terms, cause it all just fell into place for me too." (rubs his temples) "God this is hurting my mind." "Okay, so Scarlet and you are both shades. Her suicide absolves her of her shade, and you uploading her testament absolves you of your shade. You both are now active participants in life. Voila!”
Steve: "You're saying that she planned this to pull us out from our shade existences?"
Rob: "Yes, the bitch was crazy, but also some kind of weird genius. I'm sure the Ancient Egyptians would have loved her.” Steve: "Holy shit, I see it. Nothing brings a man more sharply back into life than the acknowledgment of death."
Rob: "Exactly."
Steve: "And by surrounding me with deaths that seem to have stemmed from my own actions, I have become an active participant in life, albeit in a weird fucking way. Fuck, I have actual goosebumps man, Scarlet is affecting me from beyond the grave."
Steve: “You think I should release some sort of apology to people?”
Rob: “Spoken like a true shade. On the way to recovery that is.”
Contents of Scarlet’s Last Testament
Scarlet's last testament contained amongst other things, many curiosities, that is the aforementioned that she had promised would be included, as well as a list of famous personages throughout history who committed suicide or willfully accepted their deaths. A couple of poems written by some poets throughout the eons of human thought. A long list of quotes and arguments from famous philosophers as well as a philosophical blueprint outlining her argument’s development through Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Hindu, Native American, Eskimo, Greek, Phoenician, Sanskrit, Aramaic, Arabic, English, Spanish, and Chinese texts.
The following poem “We Stand in Your Garden” by Rainer Maria Rilke with an explanation of the clue left behind in his poem “to Christ in the garden” as well as a detailed explanation on the garden being an allusion to Paradise.
“Lord, we are more wretched than the animals
who do their deaths once and for all,
for we are never finished with our not dying
Dying is strange and hard
If it is not our death, but a death
that takes us by storm when we've ripened
none within us
We stand in your garden year after year,
We are trees for yielding a sweet death,
But fearful, we wither before the harvest.”
From the Book of Hours III, 8
ACT 7
Jimmy’s Final Act
Old Man: "Hey cheer up man. You know what's funnier than a great comedian?" Jimmy Rodriguez: "No, what?"
Old Man: "A failed comedian."
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Why?" Old Man: "Because God laughs at the failed comedian"
Jimmy Rodriguez: "What?"
Old Man: "There you are, going up every night, trying to make people laugh, and instead they hate you, they throw shit at you, they make fun of you. Your comedy becomes a tragedy, and thereby you are made another one of God's jokes."
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Seriously? Is that supposed to cheer me up?" Old Man: "Your problem is, you gotta get out of yourself. You're too caught up in succeeding and you don't see the bigger picture. What I call, God's POV."
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Is that some sort of website you frequent or something you old weirdo?"
Old Man: "Now see, that was pretty funny. A little masturbation joke to set everyone at ease." Jimmy Rodriguez: "It's what I've excelled at throughout my life." Old Man: "And there you go again, now you're placing the joke on you. Don't you see that's what God's doing with you?"
Jimmy Rodriguez: "What?" Old Man: "God's letting people beat your need to be accepted out of your organism. It's like God knows you lack a necessary ingredient to your comedy." Jimmy Rodriguez: "Oh yeah, what's that?" Old Man: "The Fuck It principle. All great comedians gotta have the “Fuck It” principle and you don't. So, God laughs at you by turning you into a tragedy, until you get it right."
Jimmy Rodriguez: "Ba Dum Psh"
Old Man: "Get the fuck out of here, I'll give you a Ba Dum Psh, right across your face!" Jimmy gets startled and turns to leave, then the old man laughs.
Old Man: "You should've seen your face. But see, now what's funnier than a young man getting chased out of a bar by an old man like me? It's like you want the prize but you're not willing to get beat up to gain it, don't you see? To be great, you gotta get the shit kicked out of you. God knows it, that's why he's doing his work on you."
Jimmy makes a mock gesture of being crucified
Old Man: "Now you're getting it."
The old man laughs maniacally.
Suicide Note Found After the Testament
With this most sacred self-immolation, I Scarlet, purify myself through fire and consecrate myself into the Godhead. For I had no choice when it came to being born. And I had no choice of what my sex would be. And like this I lived my days, completely and totally without choice, a shade amongst shades. That is, until the day when the holy sacred fire of truth illumined me in my shadow. I could see! Oh how I could see! Rapturous wondrous delight at the astonishment of how simple the answer had always been. It is in my destruction that I strip myself of God's will. For in my annihilation, I take part in what would have been only a God's to take, MY LIFE. And so it is with this most sacred act, that if there be a God, out of sheer embarrassment, that a mere mortal has solved his riddle, he must grant me by divine right, Lordship over LIFE and DEATH. And thus in my ceasing to be a thought of his, if man he be, I initiate myself into Godhood! For what God, could allow a mortal to make his thought null? And by this sacred nullifying, I steal of the sacred power and initiate myself as the sole controller.
FIN
Copyright by Jimmy Eleazar Vargas de Sanchez