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Letter to the American and Russian Empires from a Cold War Proxy Former Nicaraguan Citizen

Dear American and Russian Empires,

We understand that you had a bit of a cold war beef in the style of a tartare.

And we understand that this cold war beef ran into other countries much like that egg yolk in the previous picture spilled out all over the plate.

However, it is due to this situation that I am writing you this letter in the form of a satirical blog.

Although even though it is satirical, by no means am I yolking.

I believe it is due to this conflagration that occurred that I am currently in dire straits and in need of assistance. I don’t think that my situation is the situation of a normal immigrant. You see, when someone migrates to a country for a better life, and the country to which they are migrating to had nothing to do with the problems that arose in that country, then this is what we would call a “normal immigration” situation.

However, if an immigrant from a country migrates to your country for a problem that arose due to your country’s foreign policy, then I believe that obligations and responsibilities are due.

Now, it is for this reason that I am writing this letter. It is mainly to clear up the misconceptions of immigrants such as myself.

I have had a good life in America for the most part, nonetheless my situation is not the situation of a “normal immigrant.” We did not come here because we wanted to hang out. Hanging out is fun occasionally but I assure you that it was not the main impetus or drive for our immigration. Nor, do I think it is the impetus or drive for any immigrant in my position.

By responsibilities and duties that are due to us, I am referring to a house, a car, and money in the bank. I don’t consider this to be greedy because I think that these are the sort of normal requests one should make in our situation, and the following example should clarify to anyone who disagrees with me, why these requests are normal requests and should not be considered greedy.

Now it should be clarified that the responsibilities on our part should not include any economic or legal responsibilities besides being a good citizen. Being made to earn everything back by working as a normal citizen, I don’t think is just. I will illustrate why I don’t think that particular situation is just concerning us, with the following scenario and allow you to make up your own mind.

If I invite two dinner guests over to my house for some beef tartare, and those dinner guests decide to bring up an ideological argument which ends up turning my sister and brother against each other; and then seeing the situation escalate between my brother and sister, these dinner guests then decide to arm my brother and sister against each other, causing my house to get destroyed and the deaths of my brother and sister in the process, then I think these dinner guests should be held responsible.

I am not arguing whether these dinner guests were invited or not, or whether they showed up unannounced, or whether they had good or evil intentions. There is no way, that I can possibly know this now. What I am arguing is “Daddy need a new pair of shoes”.

P.S. I like these

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